Expressions & Phrases
1.
Wait, there’s one more, …
2.
Cause where else would get any?
3.
Forget relationships! I’m done
with men!
4.
With Paolo, that’s all there
was heat.
5.
Someone who can make your toes
curl.
6.
Suck fest.
7.
Total chick-flick.
8.
Just so long as there’s a
little nudity.
9.
Oh, hang on, hang on. Does Aunt
Monica get a say in this?
10. I agree. I’m, like, in disbelief.
11.
Roll him over.
12. How could you lose him?
13. Which one? Which ones?
14. Why is the air in here so negative?
15. Rachel lost Marcel.
16. Anybody wanna trade?
17. I wasn’t ready for it.
18. …and pickles on the side.
19. How’d it go today?
20.I was kinds wanting to run something by you.
21. Well, I kind of lost him.
22.I’m not allowed to have him in the city.
23.Oh, is that who the monkey’s named after?
24.Are you aware that possession of an illegal exotic is punishable by up to
two years in prison and confiscation of the animal?
25.…, but there isn’t always time.
26.I’m sure there’s some friendly way to reconcile this.
27.I sat behind you guys in home room.
28.You have no idea who am I, do you.
29.Be that as it may.
30.Just for the old times’ sake!
31. Go bobcats!
32.Just a sec.
33.We do have a certain amount of expertise in the heating and cooling …mileu.
34.Aren’t we kind of in the middle of something here?
35.… you’d really be helping us out.
36.You don’t get to talk to other people.
37.Step aside, ladies..
38.We’ve been all over the neighborhood.
39.He’s gone, he’s just gone.
40.There! Are you happy now?
41. Things just sort of happen around you.
42.You’re off in Rachel-land, doing your Rachel thing, totally oblivious to
people’s monkey or people’s feeling.
43.One side of my butt is totally asleep, and the other side has no idea.
44.What have you done to him?
45.You’re both gonna have to take this up with the judge.
46.It’ll be nice to get this off finally, won’t it? Or we can leave it on for
now, that’s fine.
47.I’m sorry I was so hard on you before.
48.You are in the mood for something grape?
49.How mad we got at each other before,…
50.Ooh! My butt cheek is waking up !
Cultural Stop 119
1.
Earl Grey
2.
English Breakfast
3.
Cinnamon stick
4.
Camomile,
5.
Mint Medley
6.
Blackberry
7.
Lemon Soother
8.
Bunk (seven)
9.
Country Club
10. chick-flick
11.
Hugh Grant
12. Amish
13.
Cats
14.
Russian Tea Room
15.
Lysol
16. waffle
17.
18. Animal Control
19. overalls
20.Bobcats
21. prom queen
22.The Sound of Music
23.Alp
Plot Summary 119
1. Rachel
finds out Barry is engaged to Mindy, her former bridesmaid; she begins to show
interest in dating again, so Ross decides to ask her out.
2. However,
before he gets the chance, she loses Marcel while monkey-sitting, which
temporarily drives a wedge between them.
3. Mr.
Heckles is missing a waffle and saw Regis Philbin once.
4. Rachel,
not knowing Marcel is a illegal exotic animal, calls Animal Control; the
animal-catcher turns out to be Luisa, who went to high-school with Monica and
Rachel.
5. Luisa’s
memories of high school aren’t favorable towards Rachel, so she decides not to
cut them any breaks.
6. While
looking for Marcel, Joey and
7. Luisa
tries to shoot Marcel with a tranquilizer but hits Phoebe instead.
8. A
delivery of bananas leads everyone to Mr. Heckles apartment; he claims the
monkey as his own until Luisa shows up.
9. Rachel
pleads with Luisa to let Ross keep Marcel, but it’s only the threat of
reporting her for shooting Phoebe that convinces her.
10. Ross
and Rachel finally sit down for some wine, but before Ross can ask Rachel out,
Barry barges in, saying he’s still in love with her.
119 The One Where the Monkey Gets
Away
Written by: Jeffrey Astrof & Mike
Sikowitz
Transcribed by: guineapig
{Transcriber's Note: The credits list two
characters, Tia and Samantha, who I assume are the sweaty women Joey and
[Scene: Central
Perk, Rachel is talking to a customer.]
Rachel:
Okay, okay, I checked. We have: Earl Grey, English Breakfast, Cinnamon Stick,
Camomile, Mint Medley, Blackberry, and.. oh, (1)wait, there's one more,
um.. Lemon Soother. You're not the guy that asked for the tea, are you? (Guy
shakes his head) Okay.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Central
Perk, Monica enters with some mail.]
Monica: Mail call, Rachel Green, bunk[1] seven.
Rachel: Thank you. (Examines it) Oh, cool! Free sample of
coffee!
Monica: Oh good! (2)'Cause where else would we get any?
Rachel: Oh. Right. ...Oh great.
Monica: What is it?
Rachel:
Country club newsletter[2]. My mother sends me the
engagement notices for 'inspiration[3].' Oh my God! Oh my God,
it's Barry and Mindy!
Monica: Barry who you almost...?
Rachel: Barry who I almost.
Monica: And Mindy, your maid of...?
Rachel: Mindy, my maid of. Oh!
Monica:
(Takes it) That's Mindy? Wow, she is pretty. (Sees Rachel's look) Lucky. To
have had a friend like you.
[Scene: Monica and
Rachel's, Rachel and Ross are eating Chinese.]
Ross: Marcel. Bring me
the rice, c'mon. Bring me the rice, c'mon. Good boy. Good boy. C'mere, gimme
the rice. (Marcel brings the rice) Thank you, good boy. Well, I see he's
finally mastered[4]
the difference between 'bring me the' and 'pee in the'. (Rachel ignores him)
'Bring me the' and- Rach?
Rachel: What?
Ross: Hi.
Rachel:
Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, this is so stupid! I mean, I gave Barry up, right? I should
be happy for them! I am, I'm happy for them.
Ross: Really.
Rachel: No. Oh, oh, I guess it would be different if I were-
with somebody.
Ross: Whoah, uh, what
happened to, uh, '(3)Forget relationships! I'm done with men!' The whole,
uh, penis embargo[5]?
Rachel:
Oh, I don't know. I guess it's not about no guys, it's about the right guy,
y'know? I mean, with Barry, it was safe and it was easy, but there was no heat.
(4)With
Paolo, that's all there was, was heat[6]!
And it was just this raw[7], animal, sexual...
Ross: Wait-wait. I, I got it. I was there.
Rachel:
Well, I mean, do you think you can ever have both? Y'know? (5)Someone
who's like, who's like your best friend, but then also can make
your toes curl[8]?
Ross: Yes. Yes. Yes!
Yes, I really do! In fact, it's funny, very often, someone who you wouldn't
think could-could curl your toes, might just be the one who...
(Enter
the other four)
Monica: Hi.
Ross: ...Gets interrupted. Hi!
Rachel: Hi, how was the movie?
Monica: Wonderful!
Phoebe: So good!
Joey: (6)Suck-fest[9].
Phoebe:
I-I'm sorry it wasn't one of those movies with, like, y'know, guns and bombs
and, like, buses going really fast...
Joey: Hey, I don't need
violence to enjoy a movie. (8)Just so long as there's a little nudity[11].
Monica: There was nudity!
Joey: I meant female nudity. Alright? I don't need to
see Lou Grant
frolicking[12].
Monica and Phoebe: Hugh! Hugh Grant!
Ross: Alright, I've
gotta go. C'mon, Marcel! C'mon! We're gonna go take a bath. Yes we are, aren't
we? Yes, we are.
Rachel: (To Marcel) And I will see you tomorrow!
Ross: That's right, you're gonna spend tomorrow at Aunt
Rachel's, aren't
you.
Monica: (9)Oh, hang on, hang on. Does Aunt Monica get a say
in this?
Ross: 'Pwease, Aunt
Monica, pwease?' Oh, unclench. You're not even gonna be there.
[Scene: Joe-G's
Pizza, the guys are there.]
Joey: (10)I agree. I'm, like, in disbelief.
Ross: I'm telling you,
she said she's looking for a relationship with someone exactly like me.
Joey: She really said that?
Ross: Well, I added the
'exactly like me' part... But she said she's looking for someone, and someone
is gonna be there tonight.
Joey: 'Tonight' tonight?
Ross: Well, I think it's
perfect. Y'know, it's just gonna be the two of us, she spent all day taking
care of my monkey...
monkey.
Ross: Anyway, I figured
after work I'd go pick up a bottle of wine, go over there and, uh, try to woo[13] her.
[Scene: Monica and
Rachel's, Rachel is taking care of Marcel and they are watching a soap opera.]
Rachel:
Now, now the one in the feather boa[14], that's Dr. Francis. Now,
she used to be a man. Okay, now look, see, there's Raven. We hate her. We're
glad she's dying. Okay- (Marcel pushes down a cushion to reveal a shoe) Wh- wh-
Marcel, are you playing with Monica's shoes? You know you're not supposed to
pl- whoah. Marcel, did you poo[15] in the shoe? (Takes the
shoe into the kitchen) Marcel, bad monkey! Oh! Oh! (She notices the newsletter
and taps the contents of the shoes onto it, then folds it shut) Sorry, Barry.
Little engagement gift. I'm sure you didn't register for that. (She leaves the
apartment holding the newsletter at arm's length. However, she leaves the door
open. Marcel runs out in the opposite direction. There is a shot from the TV
and Rachel runs back in) Who died? Who died? (11)Roll him over! Oh,
c'mon, roll him over! Oh...! Well, we know it wasn't Dexter, right Marcel?
Because- (Looks down and notices he is missing) Marcel? Marc- (Notices the open
door)
[Time lapse. Now
everyone but Ross and Phoebe is back at Monica and Rachel's.]
Joey: (12)How could you lose him?
Rachel: I
don't know. We were watching TV, and then he pooped in Monica's shoe-
Monica: Wait. He pooped in my shoe? (13)Which one?
Rachel: I don't know. The left one.
Monica: (13)Which ones?
Rachel: Oh. Oh, those little clunky[16] Amish things you think go
with
everything.
Phoebe: (Entering) Hey.
All: Hi.
Phoebe: Whoah, ooh, (14)why is the air in here so negative?
Phoebe: Oh no, how?
Monica: He- he pooped in my shoe.
Phoebe: Which one?
Monica: Those cute little black ones I wear all the time.
Phoebe: No, which one? The right or left? 'Cause the left
one is lucky...
Rachel: C'mon, you guys, what're we gonna do, what're we gonna
do?
Joey: Alright alright. You're a monkey. You're loose in the
city. Where do
you go?
Rachel:
Oh, my, God, c'mon, you guys! He's gonna be home any minute! He's gonna kill
me!
Monica:
Okay, we'll start with the building. You guys take the first and second floor,
Phoebe and I'll take third and fourth.
Rachel: Well, what'm I gonna do? What'm I gonna do?
Monica:
Okay, you stay here, and just wait by the phone. Spray[18] Lysol in my shoe,
and wait for Ross to kill you. (They all leave)
Rachel: (16)Anybody wanna trade[19]?
Oh...
[Cut to a hallway
in the building, Monica and Phoebe are knocking on a door. Mr. Heckles
emerges.]
Mr. Heckles: Whaddyou want?
Monica: Mr. Heckles, our friend lost a monkey. Have you seen it?
Mr. Heckles: I left a Belgian waffle[20] out here, did you take
it?
Monica: No!
Phoebe: Why would you leave your Belgian waffle in the hall?
Mr. Heckles: (17)I wasn't ready for it.
Monica: A monkey. Have you seen a monkey?
Mr. Heckles: Saw Regis Philbin once...
Phoebe: Okay, thank you, Mr. Heckles. (They move off)
Mr. Heckles: You owe me a waffle.
[Cut to Monica and
Rachel's.]
Rachel:
(On the phone) Okay, he's a, he's a black capuchian[21] monkey with a white
face... (Enter Ross) ...with, with Russian dressing[22] and, (18)and pickles[23]
on the side. Okay. Thanks.
Ross: Hey. How did, uh, (19)how'd it go today?
Rachel: Great! It went great. Really great. Hey, is that wine?
Ross: Yeah. You, uh, you want some?
Rachel:
Oh, I would love some. But y'know what? Y'know what? Let's not drink it here.
I'm feeling kinda crazy. You wanna go to
Ross: Uh, okay, yeah, we
could do that, but before we head off[24] to the murder capital of
the North-East, (20)I was, uh, kinda wanting to run something by you. Y'know
how we were, uh, y'know, talking before about, uh, relationships and stuff?
(Uncorks the wine) Well-
Rachel: Oh God, Ross, I cannot do this.
Ross: Okay, quick and painful. (Starts to cork the wine)
Rachel: Oh God... Okay. Alright. Alright. Okay. Ross, please
don't hate me.
Ross: Oh, what? What-what?
Rachel: Y'know Marcel?
Ross: ...Yeah?
Rachel: (21)Well, I kind of... I kind of lost him.
[Cut to outside the
window, with Ross reacting with disbelief. The shot pans back until we see
Marcel sitting on the window ledge.]
[Scene: Monica and Rachel's, continued
from earlier.]
Ross: (Angry) I- I- I
ca- I can't believe this. I mean, all I asked you to do was keep him in the
apartment.
Rachel: I know, I know, I'm sorry-
Ross: No, y'know what, I
guess it's partially my fault. Y'know, I shouldn't've, uh, asked you to start off[25] with a monkey. I
should've started you off with like a pen or a pencil.
Rachel:
(Tearfully) Ross, I'm doing everything that I can, I've got everybody looking
for him, and I- (Door buzzer goes and she runs to get it) Oh! Who is it?
Intercom: Animal Control[26].
Rachel: See? I've even called Animal Control!
Ross: You called Animal Control?
Rachel: Uh-huh... why... do you not like them?
Ross: Marcel is an illegal[27]
exotic[28] animal. (22)I'm
not allowed to have him in the city. If they find him, they'll take him
away from me.
Rachel: O-okay, now see, you never ever ever told us that...
Ross: That's right, I..
'cause I didn't expect you were gonna invite them to the apartment! (A knock on
the door. Rachel swiftly opens it)
Rachel: Hi, thanks for coming.
Luisa: (Animal Control) Somebody called about a monkey?
Rachel:
Oh, y'know what? That was a complete misunderstanding! (Ross puts his arms
around her and they act all sweetness and light)
Ross: Yeah, we thought we had a monkey, but we-we didn't.
Rachel: Turned out it was a hat.
Ross: Cat!
Rachel: Cat! What'm I saying? Cat!
(Luisa
nods, but then Monica and Phoebe run in)
Monica: Hi. We checked the third and fourth floor, no-one's seen
Marcel.
Luisa: Marcel?
Ross: My uncle Marcel.
Phoebe: Oh, (23)is that who the monkey's named after?
Luisa:
Oookay. (24)Are
you aware that possession[29]
of an illegal exotic is, uh, punishable by up to two years in prison and confiscation[30]
of the animal?
Phoebe: Oh my God. You'd put that poor little creature[31] in jail[32]?
Monica:
Pheebs, you remember how we talked about saying things quietly to yourself
first?
Phoebe: Yes, (25)but there isn't always time!
Monica:
Look.
(26)I'm sure there's some friendly way to reconcile[33]
this! Um, have a seat. First of all, we haven't been introduced, I'm
Monica Geller.
Luisa: Oh my God, you are! And you're Rachel Green!
Rachel: Yeah!
Luisa:
Luisa Gianetti!
Rachel: Luisa? Oh my God! Monica! It's Luisa!
Monica: The Luisa from homeroom!
Rachel: Yes!!
Luisa: (28)You have no idea who I am, do you.
Monica: No, none at all.
Rachel: None.
Luisa:
Well, maybe that's because you spent four years ignoring[35] me. I mean, would it have
been so hard to say 'Morning, Luisa'? Or 'Nice overalls[36]'?
Monica: Oh, I'm- I'm so sorry!
Luisa:
Ah, it's not so much you, you were fat, you had your own problems. (To Rachel)
But you? What a bitch!
Rachel: What?!
Monica: (29)Be
that as it may, d'you think you could just help us out here on that
monkey thing? Y'know, (30)just for old times' sake? (31)Go
Bobcats?
Luisa: I could... but I won't. If I find that monkey, he's
mine. (Leaves)
Phoebe: Dun-dun-duuuur! Sorry.
[Cut to another
part of the building. We see Marcel jump in through a window and run down some
stairs, then
Joey: Marcel?
Joey: Marcel? (They come
to a door and silently agree to try it. A very sweaty woman emerges)
Woman No. 1: Hi, can I help you?
(
Joey: A monkey.
Woman No. 1:
No. No, haven't seen a monkey. Do you know anything about fixing radiators[37]?
Joey: Um, sure! Did you, uh, did you try turning the knob[38] back the other
way?
Woman No. 1: Of course.
Joey: Oh. Then, no.
(Another
sweaty woman comes to the door and speaks to her friend)
Woman No. 2: Did I put too much rum in here?
(Joey
and
Woman No. 1: (32)Just
a sec. (To
Joey: Uh, (34)aren't we kind of in the middle of something
here?
Joey: We can't, alright?
(To the women) We're sorry. You have no idea how sorry, but... We promised we'd
find this monkey. If you see him, he's about yea high and answers to the name
Marcel, so if we could get some pictures of you, (35)you'd really be helping us out.
(The women quickly shut the door)
Joey: Marcel?
[Cut to Monica and
Phoebe searching the basement.]
Phoebe: Marcel?
Monica: Marcel?
Phoebe: Marcel?
Both: Marcel?
Phoebe: Oh-my-God!
Monica: Whaaat!
Phoebe: Something just brushed[42] up against my right leg!
Monica: What is it?
Phoebe: Oh, it's okay, it was just my left leg.
(Marcel
makes a monkeyish noise. He is sitting in the corner)
Monica: Look, Phoebe!
Phoebe: Yeah! Oh, c'mere, Marcel! Oh, Marcel, c'mere!
(Luisa
appears on the stairs)
Luisa: (37)Step aside, ladies! (She loads a gun)
Monica: What're you gonna do?
Luisa: Just a small tranquiliser[43].
(In
slow motion we see Phoebe look at Marcel, then at Luisa. She jumps toward
Marcel just as Luisa fires the gun.)
Monica:
Run, Marcel, run! Run, Marcel! (Marcel runs off and Luisa runs after him.
Monica goes to check up on Phoebe) Are you okay?
Phoebe:
Yeah, think so. Oh! (She notices the tranquiliser dart has hit her in the butt
and removes it) Huh. (Sways back) Whoah.
Monica: Oh gosh.
[Cut to Marcel
walking along a hallway. He notices a banana on the floor and picks it up. The
hand of an unseen person grabs him and carries him away. Then cut to Ross and
Rachel on the street outside.]
Ross: Marcel?
Rachel: Marcel?
Ross: Marc- oh, this is
ridiculous! (38)We've
been all over the neighbourhood. (39)He's gone, he's-he's just gone.
Rachel: Ross, you don't know that.
Ross: Oh come on. It's
cold, it's dark, he doesn't know the Village. (Kicks a sign in frustration) And
now I have a broken foot. I have no monkey, and a broken foot! Thank you very
much.
Rachel:
Ross, I said I'm sorry like a million times. What do you want me to do? You
want me to break my foot too? Okay, I'm gonna break my foot, right here. (Kicks
the sign) Ow!! Oh! Oh my God, oh my God! (40)There, are you happy
now?!
Ross: Yeah, yeah.
Y'know, now that you kicked the sign, hey! I don't miss Marcel any more!
Rachel: Y'know, it is not like I did this on purpose.
Ross: Oh, no no no.
Nono, this is just vintage[44] Rachel. I mean, (41)things
just sort of happen around you. I mean, (42)you're off in Rachel-land,
doing your Rachel-thing, totally oblivious[45]
to people's monkeys, or to people's feelings...
Rachel: Ross.
Ross: I don't even wanna hear it, you're just...
Rachel: Ross.
Ross: Oh, forget it, okay?
Rachel: Ross!
Ross: What? What? (A man
carrying a box of bananas walks past them. They stare for a minute and then
hobble after him)
Both: Hey! Hey, Bananaman!
(Scene 4: Everyone in the hall outside Mr. Heckles' door. Ross is carrying the
box of bananas. He bangs on the door)
Phoebe:
Oh, this is so intense[46]. (43)One side of my butt is
totally asleep, and the other side has no idea. (Mr. Heckles opens the
door)
Ross: Hi, did you order some bananas?
Mr. Heckles: What about it?
Ross: Gimme back my monkey.
Mr. Heckles: I don't have a monkey.
Rachel: Then what's with all the bananas?
Mr. Heckles: Potassium[47]. (There is a monkey-like
noise from within and Ross pushes past Mr. Heckles and enters his apartment)
Ross: Marcel? Marcel? Okay, where is he? Where is he? Marcel?
Marcel?
(Marcel
jumps into view wearing a pink dress. Everybody gasps)
Ross: Marcel! (44)What've you done to him?
Mr. Heckles: That's my monkey. That's Patti, Patti the monkey.
Ross: Are you insane? C'mere, Marcel, c'mon. (Marcel starts to
go to him)
Mr. Heckles: C'mere, Patti. (Marcel turns round)
Ross: C'mere, Marcel. (Turns to Ross)
Mr. Heckles: C'mere, Patti. (Turns to Mr. Heckles)
Luisa:
(Out of shot) Here, monkey. Here, monkey! Here, monkey! (Marcel runs to the
door and into Luisa's cage, which she slams shut) Gotcha.
Ross: Okay, gimme my monkey back.
Mr. Heckles: That's my monkey.
Luisa: (45)You're both gonna have to take this up with the
judge.
Mr. Heckles:
That's not my monkey. Just the dress is mine, you can send that back whenever.
Ross: Alright, I want my monkey.
Luisa: No!
Rachel: Oh, c'mon, Luisa!
Luisa: Sorry, prom
queen[48].
Ross: (To Rachel) You
had to be a bitch in high school, you couldn't've been fat.
Rachel:
Alright. In high school I was the prom queen and I was the homecoming[49] queen and the class
president and you... were also there! But if you take this monkey, I will lose
one of the most important people in my life. You can hate me if you want, but
please do not punish him. C'mon, Luisa, you have a chance to be the bigger
person here! Take it!
Luisa: Nope.
Rachel:
Alright. Well then how about I call your supervisor, and I tell her that you
shot my friend in the ass with a dart[50]?
[Scene: Monica and
Rachel's. Rachel and Ross are there. Ross is trying to get the dress off
Marcel.]
Ross: (46)It'll
be nice to get this off finally, won't it? Yes it will. (Marcel resists) Or we
can leave it on for now, that's fine.
Rachel:
Y'know, with the right pair of pumps[51], that would be a great
little outfit[52].
Ross: Listen, I'm- (47)I'm sorry I was so hard on you before,
it's just I...
Rachel: Oh, Ross, c'mon. It's my fault, I almost lost your...
Ross: Yeah, but you were
the one who got him back, y'know? You, you were great. ...Hey, we uh, we still
have that, uh, that bottle of wine. (48)You in the mood for, uh, something grape?
Rachel: That'd be good.
Ross: Alright. (He goes
to get the glasses. Then he hesitates and turns off the main light. Rachel
looks round and he acts surprised) The, uh, the neighbours must be vacuuming[53]. (He sits down and starts
to pour the wine) Well, so long as we're here and, uh, not on the subject, I
was thinking about, uh, (49)how mad we got at each other before, and,
um, I was thinking maybe it was partially because of how we, um... (Barry
bursts in)
Barry: Rachel.
Rachel: Barry?!
Barry: I can't. I can't do it, I can't marry Mindy. I think I'm
still in love
with you.
Ross and Rachel: Oh!
Ross: We have got to start locking that door!
Closing Credits
[Scene: Central
Perk, Monica, Joey, Phoebe, and
Monica: This is me in The Sound of Music. See the von
Trapp kids?
Phoebe: Nope.
Monica: That's because I'm in front of them.
Monica: Well, high school was not my favourite time.
Joey: I dunno, I loved
high school. Y'know? It was just four years of parties and dating and sex.
Monica: Gosh, doesn't it seem like a million years ago?
Phoebe:
Oh. Oooh! Ooh! Ooh! (She stands up and starts to dance around) (50)Ooh!
My butt cheek is waking up! Oooh! Ooh!
End
