Expressions 121
1.
How could someone get a hold of
your card number?
2.
It’s just such reckless
spending.
3.
I think when someone steal your
credit card, they’ve kind of already thrown caution to the wind.
4.
The yuk! He’s doing it again!
5.
I’ll get him.
6.
Let’s just say my Curious
George doll is no longer curious.
7.
You are not still going over
that thing.
8.
Yeah, well I might be (an
artist) if I had the supplies!
9.
I mean, I could do all this
stuff. Only I don’t.
10. Well, it does not ring a bell with me…
11.
I’m sure her picture’s up!
12. You know what, you’re kind of losing it here!
13. This is really becoming like a weird obsession thing.
14. For the love of God, don’t do it!
15. Spare shoes are over there.
16. People! Last time there are some empty yogurt containers
lying around after class. Let’s not have that happen again!
17. I’m not getting this. / I’m totally getting it!
18. It’s gym class all over again.
19. Where’ve you been?
20.Apparently he’s reached sexual maturity.
21. He beat ya.
22.But that might just be a pipe dream, because, y’know he’s out of state.
23.That’s like two blocks away from the beach. It’s a total party zoo.
24.Your own brand of vigilante justice.
25.It was so wild.
26.Go Monana!
27.Don’t wait up.
28.There’s an open call for CATS.
29.I’m thinking we go down there, sing Memories and make complete fools of
ourselves.
30.Think who you’re dealing here.
31. Till I bought a blow dryer, then I was shunned.
32.I don’t know who this is harder on, me or him.
33.I’d say that chair’s take the brunt.
34.Well, it’s technically not a zoo per se, it’s more of an interactive
wildlife experience.
35.How is he at handling small objects?
36.If he’s up against a jungle cat or an animal with horns, you’ve got to
give the little something.
37.He’s in.
38.I’ll start him off against a blind rabbit and give you 20% of the gains.
39.We just crashed an embassy party
40.Y’know what, you could’ve called, I have been up here, worried…..
41. Water rules!
42.…when I’m with her, I am so much more than that.
43.That I was not expecting.
44.It wasn’t me who turned you in.
45.You by the door. In or out?
46.You in the back, you’re getting it all wrong.
47.Well, buddy, this is it.
Cultural Stop 121
1.
Wonder Mop
2.
Curious George
3.
horseback riding
4.
New School
5.
Joseph Stalin
6.
Bye Bye Birdie
7.
The Fiddler on the Roof
8.
Pennsylvania Dutch
9.
The Three Monkeys
10. Popes into a Volkswagen.
11.
pipe dream
12. The Gunnersens
13.
14. Broadway shows
15. Amish
16.
Dead Poets’ Society
17.
Mrs. Doubtfire
18.
19. Big Apple Circus
20.Wintergarden Theater
21. Mercutio
Plot Summary 121
1. Monica’s
credit card is stolen; after seeing the credit card statement, Monica decides
the thief lives her life better than she does.
2. She
meets ‘Fake Monica’ at a dance class which charged to her card, and
surprisingly they become friends.
3. As
Mononna, she and Fake Monica have a great time… until Fake Monica is arrested.
4. Ross’s
monkey, Marcel, reaches sexual maturing and starts humping everything in site;
Ross has to find a zoo in which to put his pet.
5. Joey
tries to choose a stage name.
121 The One With The Fake[1]
Monica
Written by: Adam Chase and Ira Ungerleider
Transcribed by guineapig
[Scene: Monica and
Rachel's, everyone is looking at papers.]
Joey: (1)How could someone get a hold of your credit card
number?
Monica: I have no idea. But look how much they spent!
Rachel:
Monica, would you calm down? The credit card people said that you only have to
pay for the stuff that you bought.
Monica: I know. (2)It's just such reckless[2]
spending.
Ross: (3)I
think when someone steals your credit card, they've kind of already thrown caution[3]
to the wind.
Monica: That's me.
Phoebe:
Oh!
(4)The yuk[7]!
Ross, he's doing it again! (Points to a lamp which is shaking behind the
sofa)
Ross: Marcel, stop humping[8] the lamp[9]! Stop humping! Now Marcel,
come back- (Marcel runs toward Rachel's room) come here, Marcel-
Rachel: Oh no, not in my room! (5)I'll get him.
Monica: Ross, you've got to do something about the humping.
Ross: What? It's, it's just a phase[10].
Ross: Would you all relax? It's not that big a deal.
Rachel: (Out of shot) Stop it! Marcel! Bad monkey!
Ross: What?
Rachel: (6)Let's just say my Curious George doll is no longer
curious.
Opening Credits
[Scene: Monica and
Rachel's, late at night Monica is still examining her bill as Rachel emerges
from her room.]
Rachel: Oh, Monica. (7)You are not still going over that thing.
Monica: This woman's living my life.
Rachel: What?
Monica:
She's living my life, and she's doing it better than me! Look at this, look.
She buys tickets for plays that I wanna see. She, she buys clothes from stores
that I'm intimidated[11]
by the sales people. She spent three hundred dollars on art supplies[12].
Rachel: You're not an artist.
Monica: (8)Yeah,
well I might be if I had the supplies! (9)I mean, I could do all this stuff.
Only I don't.
Rachel: Oh, Monica, c'mon, you do cool[13] things.
Monica: Oh really? Okay, let's compare, shall we.
Rachel: (Yawning) Oh, it's so late for 'Shall we'...
Monica: Do
I go horseback[14] riding in the park? Do I
take classes at the
Rachel: (Yawning) Nooo...
Monica:
This is so unfair! She's got everything I want, and she doesn't have my mother.
[Scene: Central
Perk, Joey and
Joey: No, still too ethnic[15]. My agent thinks I should
have a name that's more neutral[16].
Joey: Plus, y'know, I
think it should be Joe. Y'know, Joey makes me sound like I'm, I dunno, this
big. (Waitress looks at him funny) Which I'm not.
Joey: Stalin...Stalin...do I know that name? It sounds
familiar.
Joey: (Writes it down) Joe Stalin. Y'know, that's pretty good.
(Joey
visibly thinks 'Of course!' and writes it down.)
Joey: Joseph Stalin. I think you'd remember that!
[Scene: Monica and
Rachel's, Monica is there as Phoebe and Rachel enter.]
Rachel: Hey.
Phoebe: Hey.
Monica:
Hi. (On the phone) Hi, uh, yes, this is Monica Geller. Um, I believe I'm taking
some classes with you and I was wondering what they were.
Phoebe: What are you doing?
Monica:
(Hushes her) Alright, great. Thanks a lot. (Hangs up) I'm going to tap[19] class.
Rachel:
What, what, so that you can dance with the woman that stole your credit card?
Monica: This woman's got my life, I should get to see who she
is.
Rachel: Go
to the post office! (11)I'm sure her picture's up! ...Okay, (12)Monica,
y'know what, honey, you're kinda losing it here! I mean, (13)this
is really becoming like a weird obsession[20]
thing.
Phoebe:
This is madness. It's madness, I tell you, (14)for the love of God, Monica,
don't do it!! ...Thank you.
[Scene: A Tap
Class, the girls are standing at the door.]
Monica: What d'you think?
Phoebe: Lotsa things. (They go in and sit down.)
Rachel: Which one do you think she is? (The teacher comes up to
them.)
Teacher: May I help you?
Monica: Oh, no thanks, we're just here to observe.
Teacher:
You don't observe a dance class. You dance a dance class. (15)Spare[21]
shoes are over there.
Rachel: What does she mean?
Phoebe: I
think she means (Imitates) 'You dance a dance class'. Oh, c'mon, c'mon.
(They put on some spare shoes)
Monica: Okay, d'y'see anybody you think could be me?
Teacher:
(To the class) (16)People! Last time there were some empty yoghurt containers[22]
lying around after class. Let's not have that happen again!
Rachel: She could be you. (Music starts)
Teacher: Let's get started. Five, six, a-five six seven eight...
(Everyone
starts to dance in unison. Monica flounders)
Monica: Okay, (17)I'm not getting this!
Phoebe: (Dancing in a swirly, Phoebe kind of way) (17)I'm
totally getting it!
Monica:
Did you ever feel like sometimes you are just so unbelievably uncoordinated[23]? (Rachel taps into view;
she is in perfect sync with the rest of the class)
Rachel: What? You just click[24] when they click.
Teacher: Alright people, now everyone grab[25] a partner.
(The
girls are unsure how to pair off. Phoebe settles it)
Phoebe: Okay. And, my, dead, mother, says, you, are, it. I'm
with Rachel.
Monica: Great. (18)It's gym[26]
class all over again.
Phoebe and Rachel: Aww.
Teacher: Well that's all right, you can come up to the front and
dance with
me.
Monica: Why don't I just take off my clothes and have a
nightmare.
(She
starts to walk very slowly toward the front of the room. The teacher grabs her
hand and pulls her. Suddenly a woman bursts in)
Woman:
It's okay, it's okay, I'm here, I'm here. Sorry I'm late, okay, here I am.
Who's the new tense[27] girl?
Teacher: She's your partner.
Woman: Hi. I'm Monica.
Monica: Oh. Monica! ...Hi. I'm
Woman: (Fake Monica) Monana?
Monica: Yeah. It's Dutch[28].
Fake Monica:
You're kidding! I-I spent three years in
Monica: Um, Pennsylvania Dutch.
Teacher: And we're dancing. A-five, six, seven, eight...
[Scene: Central
Perk, Ross is entering.]
Ross: (Mortified) Hi.
Joey: (19)Where've you been?
Ross: At the vet[29].
Ross: She says Marcel's
humping thing's not a phase. (20)Apparently he's reached sexual maturity[31].
Joey: (To
Ross: She says as time goes on, he's gonna start getting aggressive[32] and
violent.
Ross: I'm gonna have to give him up.
[Scene: Central Perk, scene continued
from earlier. They guys are sitting there like the Three
Monkeys.]
Joey: I can't believe it, Ross. This sucks!
already?
Ross: I know. I know. I
mean, one day, he's this little thing, and before you know it, he's this little
thing I can't get off my leg.
Joey: Isn't there any way you can keep him?
Ross: No, no. The vet
says unless he's in a place where he has regular access[33] to some... monkey lovin,'
he's just gonna get vicious[34]. I've just gotta get him
into a zoo.
Joey: How do you get a monkey into a zoo?
Ross: Well, we're
applying to a lot of them. Naturally our first choice would be one of the
bigger state zoos, y'know, like, uh,
Phoebe: Hey. We found her, we found the girl.
Joey: Did you call the cops[35]?
Rachel: Nope. We took her to lunch.
Ross: What?! Are you
insane? This woman stole from you. She stole. She's a stealer.
Monica:
Y'know what? After you're with this woman for like ten minutes, you forget all
that. I mean, she is this astounding[38] person, with this, with
this amazing spirit.
Ross: Yeah, which she probably stole from some cheerleader.
Phoebe: Popes in a Volkswagen! ...I love that joke.
[Scene: Monica and
Rachel's, Monica, Rachel and Fake Monica are there.]
Rachel: No way. No way did you do this.
Fake Monica: Monana was very brave.
Monica: (25)It
was so wild. We told them we were the Gunnersens in room
Fake Monica: So
once they caught on to the fact that we're, y'know, short and have breasts...
Monica: ...They threw us out! I was thrown out of a hotel! Me!
Rachel: (26)Go
Monana! Well, you ladies are not the only ones living the dream. I get
to go pour coffee for people I don't know. (27)Don't wait up. (Exits)
Fake Monica:
Oh, by the way, tomorrow we're auditioning[39] for a Broadway show.
Monica: 'Scuse me?
Fake Monica: (28)There's
an open call for Cats. (29)I'm
thinking we go down there, sing Memories and make complete fools of ourselves. Whaddya
say?
Monica:
Nononononono. (30)Think who you're dealing with here. I mean, I'm not
like you. I-I can't even stand in front of a tap class.
Fake Monica: Well, that's just probably 'cause of your Amish
background.
Monica: What?
Fake Monica: Well, you're Pennsylvania Dutch, right?
Monica: Right. (31)Till I bought
a blow dryer[40],
then I was shunned[41].
Fake Monica:
I-I used to be just like you. And then one day I saw a movie that changed my
life. Did you ever see Dead Poets' Society?
Monica: Uh-huh.
Fake Monica: I
thought that movie was so incredibly... boring. I mean, that thing at
the end where the kid kills himself because he can't be in the play? What was
that?! It's like, kid, wait a year, leave home, do some community[42] theatre. I walked out of
there and I thought, 'Now, that's two hours of my life that I'm never getting
back.' And that thought scared me more than all the other crap[43] I was afraid to do.
Monica: Wow. Then I would definitely not recommend[44] Mrs. Doubtfire.
[Scene: Monica and
Rachel's, tiem lapse. Everyone but Joey and Monica are there.]
Ross: (Reading letters)
Oh God. (To Marcel) We didn't get into
Phoebe: (33)I'd say that chair's taking the brunt[45].
Ross: Marcel! Marcel! Marcel, no! Good boy. See, how can
nobody want him?
Rachel: Oh, somebody will.
Joey: (entering) You know there already is a Joseph
Stalin?
Joey: Apparently he was
this Russian dictator[46] who slaughtered[47] all these people. You'd
think you would've known that!
Joey: Phoebe. Whaddyou think a good stage[48] name for
me would be?
Phoebe: ...Flame[49] Boy.
[Scene: Central
Perk, Ross is talking to Dr. Baldhara, a zookeeper.]
Ross: Where exactly is your zoo?
Dr. Baldhara: (34)Well, it's technically[50]
not a zoo per se[51],
it's more of an interactive[52]
wildlife experience. Let me ask you some questions about, is it, uh,
Marcel?
Ross: Yes.
Dr. Baldhara: Does he, uh, fight with other animals?
Ross: No-no, he's, he's very docile[53].
Dr. Baldhara: Even if he were... cornered[54]?
Ross: Well I, I don't know. Why?
Dr. Baldhara: Uh, (36)how is he at handling small objects?
Ross: He can hold a banana, if that's whatcha mean...
Dr. Baldhara: How about a hammer, or a small blade[55]?
Ross: Why- why- why would he need a blade?
Dr. Baldhara: Well, if he's up against a jungle cat or an animal with horns[56], you've got to give the
little guy something. Otherwise it's just cruel.
(
Joey: We, we come back from our walk and the- the phone was
ringing...
Ross: He's in! Oh, did you hear that, Marcel?
Dr. Baldhara: You're making a big mistake here. I mean,
[Scene: Monica and
Rachel's, Rachel is dusting. She comes to the table, lifts all the magazines
and wipes under them, then just puts them down again. Monica bursts in,
obviously drunk.]
Monica: Yo- hooo!
Rachel: Where the hell've you been?
Monica: (39)Monica and I just crashed[59]
an embassy[60]
party.
Rachel: Are you drunk?!
Monica: Noooo! (Comes closer and whispers) I'm lying. I am so
drunk.
Rachel: Oh
God, oh. Great, Monica, (40)y'know what, you could've called, I have been up
here, I've been worried... (Monica is drinking from the tap)
Rachel: Monica? Monica!
Monica: (41)Water rules!
Rachel:
Yes, yes, it does. Okay, look, the restaurant called, they wanna know if you're
gonna be showing up for work?
Monica: Nope. Going to the Big Apple Circus today.
Rachel:
Okay Monica, what are you doing? You're gonna lose your job! This is not you!
Monica:
No, it is me! Y'know, I'm not just the person who needs to fluff[61] the pillows and pay the
bills as soon as they come in! Y'know, (42)when I'm with her, I am so much
more than that. I'm- I'm Monana! (The phone rings and Rachel answers)
Rachel:
Hello? Yes, she is, hold on a second, please. Monana, it's for you, the credit
card people.
Monica: Helloooo? Yeah. Oh my God. Thanks.
Rachel: What?
Monica: They've arrested Monica.
[Scene: New York
City Department of Correction, Monica is visiting Fake Monica.]
Monica: Hi.
Fake Monica: Hey.
Monica: How are you?
Fake Monica:
I'm not too bad. Fortunately, blue's my colour. How-how did you know I was
here?
Monica: Because... I'm Monica Geller. It was my credit card you
were
using.
Fake Monica: (43)That I was not expecting.
Monica: I want you to know, (44)it wasn't me who turned you in.
Fake Monica: Oh. Thanks.
Monica:
No, thank you! You have given me so much! I mean, if it wasn't for you, I would
never have gotten to sing Memories on the stage at the Wintergarden
Theater!
Fake Monica: Well, actually, you only got to sing 'Memo-'.
Monica: I
just can't believe you're in here. I mean, what am I gonna do without you?
Who's gonna crash the embassy parties with me? Who's gonna take me to the Big
Apple Circus?
Fake Monica:
Monica, I started my day by peeing in front of twenty-five other women, and
you're worried about who's gonna take you to the Big Apple Circus?
Monica: Well, not... worried, just... wondering.
Fake Monica:
There's nothing to wonder about, Monica. You're gonna go back to being exactly
who you were, because that's who you are.
Monica: Not necessarily...
Fake Monica:
Yes necessarily! I mean, I dunno what it is, maybe it's the Amish thing.
Monica: Um, I'm not actually Amish.
Fake Monica: Really? Then why are you like that?
[Scene: Tap Class,
Monica is standing by the door.]
Teacher: (45)You by the door. In or out?
Monica: In. (She joins in the dancing. She still flounders)
Teacher: (46)You in the back, you're getting it all wrong!
Monica: Yeah, but at least I'm doing it!
[Scene: The
Airport, everyone but Monica is there to see off Marcel.]
PA: This is the final
boarding call for flight 67 to
Phoebe:
Okay. Good-bye, little monkey guy. Alright, I wrote you this poem. Okay, but
don't eat it 'till you get on the plane.
Ross: Aww. Thank you, Aunt Phoebe.
Phoebe: Oh!
Joey: I dunno what to say, Ross. Uh, it's a monkey.
Ross: Just, just say what you feel.
Joey: Marcel, I'm hungry.
Ross: That was good.
Rachel:
(Brings Marcel the Curious George) Marcel, this is for you. It's, uh, just,
y'know, something to, um, do on the plane.
Ross: Uh, if you guys don't mind, I'd like to take a moment,
just me and
him.
All: Oh, sure. Sure, absolutely.
(They just stand there, then realise what he means and go to the other end of
the room)
Ross: Marcel, c'mere,
c'mere. (He sits down and Marcel jumps down and sits beside him) (47)Well
buddy, this is it. There's just a coupla things I want to say. I'm
really gonna miss you, and I'm never gonna forget about you. You've been more
than just a pet to me, you've been more like a be- (Marcel climbs down and
starts humping his leg) Okay, Marcel, please, could you leave my leg alone?
Could you just stop humping me for two seconds?! Marcel, would- okay, just take
him away. Just take him.
(Marcel
is put in a cage and taken away.)
Closing Credits
[Scene: A Theater,
there is a casting session going on for a play.]
Actor:
(Very melodramatically, and very badly) Oh, that I were a glove upon that hand,
that I might... touch thy[63] cheek[64]...
Casting Director No. 1: That's fine, thank you.
Casting Director No. 2: Next. (Joey walks onstage)
Joey: Hi, uh, I'll be reading for the role of Mercutio[65].
Casting Director No. 2: Name?
Joey: Holden McGroin.
End
