Episode 204-The One With Phoebe

Vocabulary 204

1.       comedy

2.     gang

3.     unbelievable

4.     unbelievable

5.     approve

6.     pajamas

7.     terrace

8.     sheepish

9.     nipple

10.  bump

11.   nubbin

12.  porno

13.  flick

14.  delivery

15.  virility

16.  huts

17.  Foxy

18.  skating

19.  pitcher

20.kicks

21.  bossy

22.psyched

23.weird

24.begs

25.pleads

26.spooky

27.matador

28.paleontologist

29.offensive

30.degrading

31.  cheesy

32.craziest

33.tray

34.blockin'

35.fixing

36.divorce

37.liquor

38.figure

39.nutshell

40.handle

41.  pounce

42.darn

43.miserable

44.mess

45.tough

46.guard

47.brush

48.drawn

49.blurry

 

Expressions 204

1.    I'm looking for Phoebe

2.    I can get a message to her.

3.    Just tell her her husband stopped by.

4.    I'm not married married,

5.    what the hell were you thinking?

6.    like you tell me everything.

7.    You are dead meat.

8.    kinda the same lines as

9.    Whip it out,If I'm goin' down, I'm takin' everybody with me.

10.               I wanted you to hook up with Ross as much as you did.

11.               no the gravel capades.

12.               you're setting yourself up all over again.

13.               cut it out.

14.               No kidding?

15.               That just means it's working.

16.               I'm gonna get changed.

17.               Pop it in.

18.               the lighting's always unflattering.

19.               here's my line,

20.               I'm straight.

21.               I was born this way.

22.               That saves us a conversation.

23.               this has been great but I'm officially wiped.

24.               that could take a while.

25.               n't think either answer would make me feel better.

26.               Maybe you should put it off.

27.               maybe you were on the right track with this whole,

28.               I'd be pressed up,

29.               somebody got some last night.

Cultural Stop 204

1.    the Family Circus

2.    magical land of Narnia.

3.    The Ice Capades

4.    the turns aren't as fast but when Snoopy falls. . . funny.

5.    King Friday in Mr. Roger's Ice

6.    Academy Award parties.

7.    cobb salad

8.    Singing in the Rain

Plot Summary 204

1.       Phoebe’s husband Duncan come back and he wants to divorce with Phoebe because he finds out he is not gay.

2.     Chandler has a third nipple which interests others.

3.     Joey was in a porno movie before.

4.     Ross wants to have sex with Julie and Rachel tries to stop him.

                                                                           

             

 

204 The One With Phoebe's Husband

Originally written by Alexa Junge
Transcribed by Josh Hodge.

[Scene: Monica and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is on the phone.]
RACHEL: Mom, would you relax. That was 10 blocks from here and, the, the           woman was walking alone at night, I would never do that. Mom, c'mon, stop worrying. This is a safe street, this is a safe building, there's nothing [a pigeon flies in the window and lands on the table] OH MY GOOOD, oh my God, oh I gotta go, I gotta go, I gotta go. [hangs up] OK, that's fine, you just read the paper, I'm gonna get a pot, it's not for you. [grabs a pot and lid] OK, that's fine, read the Family Circus, enjoy the gentle comedy1. [puts pot over the pigeon] Aaahh, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, aaaaahh. [knock at the door] It's open you guys.

[a stranger enters with flowers]
STRANGER: Hi.
RACHEL: Hi, hi can I help you?
STRANGER: Yeah, (1)I'm looking for Phoebe, does she still live here?
RACHEL: Uh, no she doesn't but I can, (2)I can get a message to her.
STRANGER: Great. Uhh, (3)just tell her her husband stopped by. [leaves flowers on bar]
RACHEL: What? [in surprise she forgets she has the pigeon in the pot and      lets it get away]
STRANGER: Hey, how, how did you do that?

OPENING TITLES
[Scene: Monica and Rachels apartment. The whole gang2 is there.]
JOEY: This is unbelievable3 Phoebs, how can you be married?
PHOEBE: Well, I mean, (4)I'm not married married, ya know, he's just a friend and he's gay and he's just from Canada and he just needed a green card.
MONICA: I can't believe you married Duncan. I mean how could you not tell me? We lived together, we told each other everything.
PHOEBE: I'm sorry Monica but I knew if I told you, you'd get really, like, judgmental4 and you would not approve5.
MONICA: Of course I wouldn't approve, I mean, you were totally in love with this guy who, hello, was gay. I mean, (5)what the hell were you thinking?
ROSS: You see, and you thought she'd be judgemental.
PHOEBE: OK, I wasn't in love with him and I was just helping out a friend.
MONICA: Please, when he left town you stayed in your pajamas6 for a month and I saw you eat a cheeseburger.
ALL: Huuh.
MONICA: Well, didn't you?
PHOEBE: I might have.
MONICA: I can't believe you didn't tell me.
PHOEBE: Oh, c'mon, (6)like you tell me everything.
MONICA: What have I not told you?
PHOEBE: Oh, I don't know. Umm, how about the fact that the underwear out there on the telephone pole is yours from when you were having sex with Fun Bobby out on the terrace7.
RACHEL: What!
MONICA: Wait a minute, who told you? [turns to Chandler who's looking sheepish8] (7)You are dead meat.
CHANDLER: I didn't know it was a big secret.
MONICA: Oh it's not big, not at all, you know, (8)kinda the same lines as, say, oh I don't know, having a third nipple9.
PHOEBE: You have a third nipple?
CHANDLER: You bitch.
ROSS: (9)Whip it out, whip it out.
CHANDLER: C'mon, there's nothin' to see, it's just a tiny bump10, it's totally useless.
RACHEL: Oh as, as opposed to your other multi-functional nipples?
JOEY: I can't believe you. You told me it was a nubbin11.
ROSS: Joey, what did you think a nubbin was?
JOEY: I don't know, you see somethin', you hear a word, I thought that's what it was. Let me see it again.
ALL: Yeah, show it. Show it. The nubbin, the nubbin, the nubbin.
CHANDLER: Joey was in a porno12 movie.
ALL: Huuh.
CHANDLER: (10)If I'm goin' down, I'm takin' everybody with me.
ROSS: You were in a porno?
JOEY: Ahh, alright, alright, alright, I was young and I just wanted a job, OK. But at the last minute I couldn't go through with it so they let me be the guy who comes in to fix the copier but can't 'cause there's people havin' sex on it.
MONICA: That is wild.
ROSS: [to Chandler] So what's it shaped like?
PHOEBE: Yeah, is there a hair on it?
JOEY: What happens if you flick13 it

[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Ross, and Julie are sitting on the couch.]
ROSS: So, uh, does it do anything, you know, special?
CHANDLER: Why yes Ross, pressing my third nipple opens the delivery14 entrance to the magical land of Narnia.
JULIE: You know, in some cultures having a third nipple is actually a sign of virility15. You get the best huts16 and women dance naked around you.
CHANDLER: Huh? Are, uh, any of these cultures, per chance, in the tri-state area?
ROSS: You know, you are so amazing, is there anything you, you don't know?
RACHEL: [to Monica at the counter] Ooh, Julie's so smart, Julie's so special.
MONICA: Look honey, (11)I wanted you to hook up with Ross as much as you did. But he's with her now and you're just gonna have to get over it.
RACHEL: Ohh, I'm gonna have to get over it. God, see I didn't know that's I had to do, I just have to get over it.

[Phoebe enters all dressed up]
ALL: Woah.
JOEY: Foxy17 lady.
JULIE: Where you goin'?
PHOEBE: Um, I'm gonna go meet Duncan, he's skating18 tonight at the Garden, he's in the Capades.
JOEY: The Ice Capades?
CHANDLER: No, (12)no the gravel capades. Yeah, the turns aren't as fast but when Snoopy falls. . . funny
MONICA: I can't believe you're dressing up for him. I mean, you're just, (13)you're setting yourself up all over again.
PHOEBE: OK, no. For your information I'm going to see him so I can put all those feeling behind me. OK, and the reason I'm dressed like this is because I think it's nice to look nice for your gay husband.
ROSS: [holding cream pitcher] Oh, darnit, we're all out of milk. [holds pitcher19 in front of Chandler's chest and flips the lid] Hey Chandler, would you fill me up here?
CHANDLER: Oh I see, I see, because of the third nipple thing. Ha ha ha ha. . .

[Scene: Central Perk close to closing. Ross and Julie are still there. Rachel is cleaning tables.]
ROSS: OK sweetie, I'll see you later.
JULIE: See you later Rach.
RACHEL: Bye-bye Julie. [Julie leaves]

[Rachel is still cleaning, Ross is laying on the couch. Ross kicks20 Rachel in the butt.]
RACHEL: Hey.
ROSS: Hey.

[Ross kicks her again]
RACHEL: Hey, c'mon, (14)cut it out.
ROSS: Hey?
RACHEL: What?
ROSS: Can I ask you somethin'?
RACHEL: Sure.
ROSS: Naa.
RACHEL: What? C'mon, talk to me.
ROSS: OK, what's the longest you've been in the relationship before ha, have, having the sex?
RACHEL: Why? Who's not having. . . Are you and Julie not, are, are you and, are you and Julie not having sex?
ROSS: Technically, huh, no.
RACHEL: Wow. Is it, is it 'cause she's so cold in bed. Or, or is it 'cause she's like, kinda bossy21, makes it feel like school?
ROSS: No, no, she's great and it's not like we haven't done anything. I mean, uh, uh, we, we do plenty of other stuff, lot's of other stuff, like uhh. . .
RACHEL: No, no no no, don't need to know the details.
ROSS: It's just, it's, it's me. You, you know I've only been with one woman my whole life and she turned out to be a lesbian. So now I've got myself all psyched22 out, you know, and it's become, like this, this thing and I. . . Well, you just must think I'm weird23.
RACHEL: No, no, no, no I don't think it's weird, I think, I think umm, in fact, in fact you know what I think?
ROSS: What?
RACHEL: I think it's sexy.
ROSS: Sexy?
RACHEL: Let me tell you something. As a woman there is nothing sexier than a man who does not want to have sex.
ROSS: (15)No kidding?
RACHEL: Oh yeah. In fact you know what I'd do?
ROSS: What?
RACHEL: I'd wait.
ROSS: You'd wait?
RACHEL: Yes, absolutely. I would wait and wait. . . then I'd wait some more.
ROSS: Really?
RACHEL: Oh yeah, I don't care how much she tells you she wants it, I don't care if begs24, she pleads25, she tells you she, she's gonna have sex with, with another man. (16)That just means it's working.
ROSS: Women really want this?
RACHEL: More than jewelry. [Rachel struts off, extremely pleased with herself]

[Scene: Madison Square Garden. Duncan's dressing room.]
PHOEBE: Hi.
DUNCAN: Phoebe!
PHOEBE: Ta-da.
DUNCAN: Hey.
PHOEBE: Hi.
DUNCAN: Ahh, look at you, you look great.
PHOEBE: Do I? Thank you, so do you.
DUNCAN: Thanks.
PHOEBE: Sparkly. So, wow, this is pretty wonerful, huh. Mr. major capades guy. I, I remember when you were just, like, King Friday in Mr. Roger's Ice is Nice.
DUNCAN: You always said I'd make it.
PHOEBE: Yeah, well, ya know, I'm kind of spooky26 that way. Wooo.
DUNCAN: I missed you. [they hug] (17)I'm gonna get changed.
PHOEBE: OK.
DUNCAN: Um, now. Phoebs.
PHOEBE: Oh, right, OK. Ole.
DUNCAN: What?
PHOEBE: Um, the matador27. [Duncan leaves] Ole, ha ha ha.


[Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross and Julie are setting the table.]
ROSS: Julie, can you hold this for a second, thanks. [hands her a bowl and kisses her]

[Chandler, Monica, Joey, and Rachel enter. Ross and Julie don't notice.]
CHANDLER: Uh, Julie.
JULIE: Yeah?
CHANDLER: Sorry, you had a paleontologist28 on your face. But, uh, it's gone now, you're alright.
ROSS: Hi everyone.
ALL: Hi.
ROSS: [pulls Rachel aside] I just, I wanted to thank you for our uh, our little talk before.
RACHEL: Oh, God, no problem. So you're gonna go with the uh, waiting thing?
ROSS: Well, I was going to, but after I talked to you, I talked to Joey.
RACHEL: What did, what did he say?
ROSS: Basically he told me to get over myself and just do it, ya know. So I though about what you said and I though about what he said and, well, his way I get to have sex tonight so. . .

[Scene: Ross's apartment. After dinner. Chandler enters.]
CHANDLER: What's this in my pocket? Why it's Joey's porno movie.
ROSS: (18)Pop it in.
JOEY: I'm fine with it, I mean, if you're OK watching a video filled with two nippled people. [Chandler puts the tape in]
RACHEL: Great, people having sex, that's just what I need to see.
ROSS: What's wrong with people having sex?
RACHEL: Well, well um, you know, these movies are offensive29 and uh, degrading30 to women and females. And uh, and (19)the lighting's always unflattering. And, Monica help me out here.
MONICA: Hell, I wanna see Joey.


[video starts with the cheesy31 porn disco music]
JULIE: So is there like a story or do they just stard doing it right. . . oh, never mind.
CHANDLER: OK, now wait a minute. That is the craziest32 typing test I've ever seen.
MONICA: All I say is, she better get the job.
ROSS: Looks to me like he's the one getting the job.
JOEY: Shh, OK, here I come, here I come. See I'm comin' to fix the copier, I can't get to the copier, I'm thinkin' what do I do, what do I do. . . so I just watch 'em have sex. And then I say, wait, (20)here's my line, [Joey from TV] you know that's bad fo r the paper tray33.
CHANDLER: Nice work my friend.
JOEY: Thank you. Wait wait wait wait, you see me again. Hang on, the guy's butt's blockin' 34 me. There I am, there I am, there I am, there I am, there I am. . .

[Scene: Madison Square Garden, Duncan's dressing room. Phoebe is fixing35 her hair and Duncan enters.]
PHOEBE: So um, so what's up, you came to see me yesterday.
DUNCAN: Oh, yeah, um, alright, I kinda need a divorce36.
PHOEBE: Ohh. . .K. How come?
DUNCAN: Umm, actually, I'm getting married again.
PHOEBE: What?
DUNCAN: Oh God, I don't know how to tell you this. (21)I'm straight.
PHOEBE: Huuh.
DUNCAN: Yeah, I know, I.
PHOEBE: I, I don't, I don't understand, how can you be straight? I mean, you're, you're so smart and funny and you throw such great Academy Award parties.
DUNCAN: I know, that's what I kept telling myself but you just reach a point where you can't live a lie anymore.
PHOEBE: So how long have you known?
DUNCAN: Well I guess on some level I always knew I was straight. I though I was supposed to be something else, you know, I'm an ice dancer, all my friends are gay, I was just tryin' to fit in.
PHOEBE: And um, and there's actually a, a woman?
DUNCAN: Her name's Debra.
PHOEBE: Oh. Well is she, is she the first that you've been with?
DUNCAN: Well, I've never told you this but, there were one or two times, back in college, when I'd get really drunk, go to a straight bar and wake up with a woman next to me. But I, I, I told myself it was the liquor37 and e-everyone experiments in college.
PHOEBE: Sure.
DUNCAN: But now I know I don't have a choice about this, (22)I was born this way.
PHOEBE: I, I don't know what to say. I mean, you know, you're married to someone for six years and you think you know him and then one day says, 'Oh, I'm not gay.'
DUNCAN: I'm, I'm still me.
PHOEBE: Why couldn't you have just figure38d this out six years ago?

[Scene: Ross's apartment. Everyone is sitting around. Monica enters from bathroom.]
MONICA: You know, it still smells like monkey in there.
JULIE: (23)That saves us a conversation.
CHANDLER: Well, listen, (24)this has been great but I'm officially wiped.
JOEY: Me too, we should get goin'.
RACHEL: No, no, I mean, no, c'mon you guys, I mean, c'mon look it's only eleven thirty. Let's just talk, we never just hang out and talk anymore.
MONICA: Rachel, that's all we do.
RACHEL: Maybe that's all we do, what about Julie?
JULIE: What about Julie?
RACHEL: Well, you have been in our lives for nearly two months now and we don't really know you. I mean, who is Julie? I mean, what do you like, what don't you like? We wanna hear everything.
JULIE: Well, (25)that could take a while.
RACHEL: So. I mean, who here does not have the time to get to know Julie?
CHANDLER: I got the time to get to know Julie.
JOEY: I got time.
MONICA: Rach, I know her pretty well, can I go? [Rachel gives her a look from hell] That's fine.
RACHEL: OK Julie, so now let's start with your childhood, what was that like?
JULIE: Well, in a nutshell39. . .
RACHEL: Nah, uh, uh, uh, uh.

[Scene: Madison Square Garden, Duncan's dressing room. Phoebe is signing the divorce papers.]
PHOEBE: So, um, have you told your parents?
DUNCAN: No, but it'll be OK, they're pretty cool, my brother's straight so. . .
PHOEBE: [handing him the papers] Here you go. You know what, I just have one more question, um, if you had figured this out sooner and um, I had been around, do you think that I would have been the one who. . . no, um, I'm sorry, don't tell me, (26)n't think either answer would make me feel better.
DUNCAN: I love you Phoebe. [they hug and kiss]
PHOEBE: So your brother's straigh huh? Seriously.

[Scene: Ross's apartment. Julie is telling her live story.]
JULIE: And my second grade teacher was Ms. Thomas, and my first grade teacher was Mrs. Cobb.
RAHCEL: Mrs., Mrs. Gobb?
JULIE: No Cobb, as in cobb salad.
RACHEL: Now, what exactly is in a cobb salad?
CHANDLER: I'm goin' home.
RACHEL: What?

[Outside in the hallway, Chandler, Joey, and Monica exit]
JOEY: Boy that Julie's a talker, huh?
ROSS: Goodnight.
RACHEL: So, it's pretty late, you're probably uh, not still planning on. . .
ROSS: Oh, no no, I am.
RACHEL: Oh, well, are hey, are you nervous?
ROSS: Um, no, I uh, I have done it before.
RACHEL: Uh, OK, I mean uh, what, how are you gonna handle40 it I mean, are, are ya gonna, are ya gonna talk about it before hand, are you just gonna pounce41
ROSS: I uh, I don't know, I guess I'm just gonna see, see what happens.
RAHCEL: OK, gook luck.
ROSS: Wha, uhh, what?
RACHEL: Nothing, I mean, um, it is your first time with her and, you know if the first time doesn't go well, well then that's, that's pretty darn42ard to recover from.
ROSS: OK, now I'm nervous.
RACHEL: (27)Maybe you should put it off.
ROSS: No, no, I don't wanna put it off, I just, God I just, I spent last year being so unbelievably miserable43, ya know, and now, now I'm actually happy. You know, I mean, really happy. I just, I just don't wanna, I don't wanna mess44 it up, ya know.
RACHEL: I know, yeah, sorry.
ROSS: What, it's not your fault.
RACHEL: Maybe it, maybe it doesn't have to be this tough45. I mean, (28)maybe you were on the right track with this whole, you know, spontaneous thing. I mean, women really like that.
ROSS: Really?
RACHEL: Yeah, I mean, you know it, I mean, if it were me I, I, you know, I'd want you to, I don't know, like catch me off guard46, you know, with like a really good kiss, you know really, sort of um, soft at first, then maybe um brush47 the hair away from my face, and look far into my eyes in a way that let's me know that something amazing is about to happen.
ROSS: [being drawn48 in by her talk] Uh-huh.
RACHEL: And then, I don't know, I mean you'd pull me really close to you so that, so that (29)I'd be pressed up, you know, right against you. And, um, it would get kind of sweaty and uh, and blurry49, and then it's just happening.
ROSS: Ohh. . . Thanks Rach, goodnight. [goes back in apartment]
RACHEL: Ohh, God.

CLOSING CREDITS
[Scene: The next morning on the street. Ross is dancing along, Singing in the Rain is playing. Two old ladies are sitting on a bench.]
ROSS: Good morning.
OLD WOMAN: Well, (30)somebody got some last night.
ROSS: Twice.

END