The One With the Lesbian Wedding

Expressions 211

1. The other us.

2. As in, "I now pronounce you wife and wife" married?

3. What would it say about me if I couldn't revel in your joy?

4. she's in a full body cast

5. Would it matter?

6. If you wanna call that a reason.

7. that has nothing to do with this, ok?

8. smell-the-fart acting

9. you got so many lines to learn so fast, that sometimes you need a minute to remember your next one.

10. take this big pause where you look all intense

11. That's a little more relaxed than you want them to get.

12. I think it went into me.

13. it was eat or be eaten.

14. she got the lousy face lift

15. I'm gonna be sick.

16. look who's up

17. Is there any chance that you can look at this as flattering?

18. they sent me to this shrink

19. you did cut into my busy day of sitting

20.kind of stuck around in me

21. hanging around

22.that's a lot of stuff

23.sleep with me one last time

24.there's laughing in my head

25.Worth a shot

26.These are from Halloween three years ago

27.get the hell out of my kitchen

28.It just turns out

29.If you want

30.nobody's smoking pot around all this food

31. what's new in sex?

32.I was thinking there might be more.

33.Drop this bomb on me.

34.You want me to talk you out of it?

35.I did.

36.you should have German subtitles

37.speed it up!

38.they're reluctant to get in the blankets!

39.you had this all planned out

40.I am not a part of this thing.

41. I feel for you, I do.

42.I'm gonna take a bunch of those little hot dogs, and I'm gonna create a new appetizer called "pigs in Ross".

43.How come I'm stuck dicing.

44.Got my little happy helpers.

45.calling off the wedding

46.Or something a little less selfish.

47.They're supposed to give me away and everything.

48.We're back on?

49.It just seems so futile, you know ?

50.You'll be sorry later.

51. Any time.

52.can't help but

53.How's that pig-in-the-blanket workin' out for you?

54.Coming up with a line, right?

55.Made eyes at me over the buffet

56.Penis schmenis

57.I got one

58.Isn't Ben in this?

Cultural Stop 211

1. Mr. Winky : Mr.Winkle http://www.mrwinkle.com/book.htm

2. Days of our Lives : http://www.daysofourlives.com/index.php

3. Mister Rogers' Neighborhood http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0062588/

4. Silence of the Lambshttp://ha-movie.com/movies/movies-3.htm

5. Halloween http://wilstar.com/holidays/hallown.htm

6. Museum of Modern Art http://www.sfmoma.org/

7. Rockefeller Center http://www.rockefellercenter.com/home.html

8. Statue of Liberty http://www.statueofliberty.org/

Plot Summary 211

1. Carol and her lover, Susan will marry . Her parents not reluctant to this, but Ross support her and Monica be a caterer for the wedding.

2. Phoebe’s customer, old lady, died in her service. Her feels that the old lady run into her, and it seemed that she hang around something and need Phoebe to help her finish it.

Script 211

211 The One With the Lesbian Wedding

Originally written by Doty Abrams
Transcribed by Mindy Mattingly Phillips

[at Ross's. Carol and Susan are picking Ben up]

ROSS: Ok. Here's his diaper1 bag, and his uh, Mr. Winky, and uh...oh, him. Hi!

CAROL: So how did everything go?

ROSS: Oh, great. Great. There was a projectile2, uh, throwing up incident, but he started it.

CAROL: Well, we've gotta go.

ROSS: Ok.

SUSAN: [clears her throat]

CAROL: Oh, right. Um, I've got some news. It's about us.

ROSS: Oh, you and me?

CAROL: Uh, no, Susan and me.

SUSAN: (1)The other us.

ROSS: Ok.

CAROL: We're uh, we're getting married.

ROSS: (2)As in, "I now pronounce you wife and wife" married?

CAROL: Anyway, we'd like you to come, but we totally understand if you don't want to.

ROSS: Why wouldn't I want to come? I had fun at the first wedding.

CAROL: Look I just thought that...

ROSS: No no no, I mean, hey, why shouldn't I be happy for you? (3)What would it say about me if I couldn't revel in your joy? I'm revelling baby, believe me!

SUSAN: Is your finger caught in that chair?

ROSS: Mmm hmmm.

CAROL: Want us to go?

ROSS: Uh-huh.

[at Rachel and Monica's]

ROSS: This is so cool. You're actually gonna be on television.

JOEY: It really hit me last night. I'm gonna be on Days of our Lives. And then I started thinkin' about all of you, and how these are the days of our lives..

MONICA: Yes! Carol and Susan's caterer3 had a mountain bike accident this weekend, and (4)she's in a full body cast.

ROSS, CHANDLER & JOEY: Yes!

MONICA: They want me to do it, which is really cool, seeing as I've never catered before, and I really need the money, and this isn't a problem for you, is it?

ROSS: (5)Would it matter?

MONICA: Oh, you are so great! [kisses him] Thank you!

JOEY: Are you really not going?

ROSS: I am really not going. I don't get it. They already live together, why do they need to get married?

MONICA: They love each other, and they wanna celebrate that love with the people that are close with them.

ROSS: (6)If you wanna call that a reason.

CHANDLER: [singing to the tune of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood] Who's the bitterest man in the living room, the bitterest man in the living room? Hi, neighbor.

MONICA: Ross, I thought you were over this.

ROSS: Look, (7)that has nothing to do with this, ok? She's my ex-wife. If she were marrying a guy, none of you'd expect me to be there.

JOEY: Hey, if she were marrying a guy, she'd be like the worst lesbian ever.

RACHEL: [entering hurriedly] Did I miss it? Did I miss it?

JOEY: No, I'm on right after this guy shoots himself.

CHANDLER: Whoa, she's pretty.

JOEY: Yeah, and she's really nice too. She taught me all about how to work the cameras, and (8)smell-the-fart acting.

RACHEL: I'm sorry, what?

MONICA: What?

JOEY: It's like,(9) you got so many lines to learn so fast, that sometimes you need a minute to remember your next one. So while you're thinkin' of it, you(10) take this big pause where you look all intense⁴, you know, like this.

CHANDLER: Oh, ok.

JOEY: There's my scene, there's my scene. [Joey on tv] "Mrs. Wallace, I'm Dr. Drake Ramoray, your sister's neurosurgeon5.

MRS. WALLACE: Is she gonna be all right?

JOEY: I'm afraid the situation is much worse than we expected. Your sister is suffering from a..subcranial hematoma6. Perhaps we can discuss this over coffee.

CHANDLER: Nice!

RACHEL: That's great!

ROSS: Excellent!

CHANDLER: For a minute there I thought you were actually tryin' to smell something.

[Monica and Rachel's]

ROSS: That is so good! Do it again!

JOEY: All right, all right. "Damnit Braverman, it's right there on the chart!"

CHANDLER: That's great. All right, I gotta get to work, I got a big dinosaur bone to inspect.

ROSS: No no, that's me.

CHANDLER: Oh, yeah.

ROSS: Oh, hello.

PHOEBE: Oh, thanks. I couldn't uh...

ROSS: Is everything ok?

PHOEBE: Um, no, huh-uh. One of my clients died on the massage table today.

ROSS: Oh my god.

CHANDLER: (11)That's a little more relaxed than you want them to get.

PHOEBE: Yeah, um, she was 82 years old. Her name was um, Mrs. Adelman.

MONICA: Oh, honey.

PHOEBE: Yeah, it's just so strange. I mean, she probably woke up today and thought, "ok, I'll have some breakfast, and then I'll take a little walk, and then I'll have my massage." Little did she know God was thinking, "Ok, but that's it." Oh, but the weirdest thing was, ok, I was cleansing her aura when she died, and when the spirit left her body, I don't think it went very far.

RACHEL: What do you mean?

PHOEBE: (12)I think it went into me. [Everyone takes a step back from Phoebe]

[Central Perk]

MONICA: God, this is so hard. I can't decide between lamb or duck.

CHANDLER: Well, of course, lambs are scarier. Otherwise the movie would've been called Silence of the Ducks.

RACHEL: Ok, who ordered what?

ROSS: Oh, I believe I had the half-drunk cappuccino with the lipstick on the rim.

CHANDLER: Yes, and this with the cigarette butt in it, is that decaf?

RACHEL: Oh god.

JOEY: I can't believe you're (12)so uptight7 about your mom comin'.

RACHEL: I know, but it's just it's the first time, and I just don't want her to think that because I didn't marry Barry, that my life is total crap8, you know?

PHOEBE: [Mrs. Adelman's voice] Talk about crap. Try listening to Stella Niedman tell the story of her and Rod Steiger for the hundredth time.

JOEY: Uh, Pheebs, how long do you think this lady'll be with us?

PHOEBE: I don't know. I mean, she obviously has some kind of unfinished business. [Mrs. Adelman's voice] Sit up!

MRS. GREEN: [entering] There she is.

RACHEL: Mom!

MRS GREEN: Sweetie! So this is where you work? Oh, it's wonderful! Is it a living room? Is it a restaurant? Who can tell? But I guess that's the fun.

RACHEL: Pretty much.

MRS GREEN: Monica! You look gorgeous! Last time I saw you, (13)it was eat or be eaten.

RACHEL: This is Joey, and Phoebe, and t