Expressions 212

Expressions 212

(1)Check it out, guess what I got.

(2)This wasn't addressed to Days of Our Lives, this is, this came to your apartment.

(3)Where are you off to?

(4)So I figured I'd go and then drive down to the zoo and surprise Marcel.

(5)I was told you had a question.

(6)He's a capuchan, answers to the name Marcel.

(7)It's not a great saying but it certainly is fitting today.

(8)Someone should have called me.

(9)I know this can't bring him back but here, it's just a gesture.

(10)She's a total wack job.

(11)He's the one who wants to boff the maniac.

(12)Well, here we sit, devil may care,

(13)Wow, you're good at that.

(14)I don't really enjoy being with other men that way.

(15)That was clearly a case of, uh, uh, foodal chokage.

(16)Yay, I rock.

(17)I sense these things. It was either but or butter.

(18)There was a break-in, few months back, inside job.

(19)Your monkey was taken.

(20)They don't want the bad publicity.

(21)It's all a great big cover-up.

(22)Do you have any idea how high up this thing goes?

(23)word on the street

(24)Your monkey found a new career, in the entertainment field.

(25)Check it out, he actually is the Monkey Shine monkey.

(26)Well, there goes my whole belief system.

(27)I get Leslie out of the coma and then we make out.

(28)What's up?

(29)Drake, what're you getting at?

(30)I finally get a part on TV and the monkey's makin' movies.

(31) C'mon people, back up please, back up, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon.

(32)I'm sorry guys, closed set.

(33)We uh, we used to live together.

Cultural Stop 212

1. Zoo dollars

2. Cathy Bates

3. Misery

4. Opossum

5. Barney

6. Outbreak

7. Manhattan

8. Pocanos

9. Flipper

Plot Summary

1. A TV commercial featuring a Monkey reminds Ross of Marcel. Ross decides to visit Marcel at the San Diego Zoo, since he’s going to a convention in Los Angeles.

2. Once there, he is told by a zoo keeper tells him Marcel was stolen and into a show business.

3. Ross’ search leads him back to New York, where Marcel is filming Virus II: The Virus Takes Manhattan.

4. Joey begins dating Erika, a stalker who thinks he’s really his soap opera character, Dr. Drake Ramoray.

5. Phoebe dates Rob, a guy who hires her to sing songs for children at the library. Her songs are a little too real for the kids’ parents. She gets fired, but all the kids come to the coffee house so they can still hear her.

Episode 212 The One After the Superbowl

Originally written by Michael Borkow, Mike Sikowitz & Jeffrey Astrof
Transcribed by Joshua Hodge.
Minor additions and adjustments by Dan Silverstein.

[Scene: In a TV commercial that the gang is watching at Monica and Rachel's.]

[A guy is sitting at his desk and his boss comes in and drops a huge pile of papers on his desk. The guy looks dejected.]

COMMERCIAL VOICEOVER: Can't get the monkey off your back? Then put it in your mouth...

[A monkey jumps on the desk and hands the guy a beer. He opens the beer and is suddenly on the beach, in a hammock, with beautiful women all around.]

COMMERCIAL VOICEOVER: ...With MonkeyShine Beer. [MonkeyShine theme] MonkeyShine Beer, 'cause it's a jungle out there.]

[Camera pans back from the TV to show the gang watching.]

ROSS: That commercial always makes me so sad.

JOEY: Yeah, but then the guy opens his beer and those girls run at him, so, everything seems to work out OK.

ROSS: I meant because the monkey in it reminds me of Marcel.

PHOEBE: I can see that, 'cause they both have those big brown eyes and, ya know, the little pouty[1] chin.

MONICA: And the fact that they're both monkeys.

ROSS: Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing, ya know, giving him away.

RACHEL: Oh, Ross, you had to, I mean, he was humping[2] everything in sight. I mean, I have a Malibu Barbi that will no longer be wearing white to her wedding.

ROSS: Remember when sometimes he'd borrow your hat, and, and when you got it back there'd be little monkey raisins in it.

CHANDLER: Yeah, well sure, when he did it, it was funny. When I did it to my boss's hat. . . all of the sudden I have this big attitude problem.

OPENING TITLES

[Scene: Central Perk. Chandler, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe are at the couch.]

[Joey enters holding a letter]

JOEY: Hey, hey, (1)check it out, guess what I got.

CHANDLER: Rhythm?

JOEY: No, my first fan mail.

ALL: Alright!

MONICA: [reading] 'Dear Dr. Remore, know that I love you and would do anything to have you.' Gosh. 'Your not-so-secretive admirer, Erica Ford.' Ooh wait, 'PS enclosed[3] please find 14 of my eyelashes.'

RACHEL: Ya know, in crazy world, that means you're married.

MONICA: (2)This wasn't addressed[4] to Days of Our Lives, this is, this came to your apartment. There's no stamp on it, this woman was in our building.

JOEY: Oh my god, I got my very own stalker[5]. [Ross enters with a suitcase]

ROSS: Hey guys.

ALL: Hey.

PHOEBE: Ooh, (3)where are you off to, Travelin' Jake?

ROSS: Well, there's this, uh, paleontology conference in L.A. (4)so I figured I'd go and then drive down to the zoo and surprise Marcel.

CHANDLER: You know I think he will be surprised, 'till he realizes he's a monkey, and uh, you know, isn't capable of that emotion.

[Rob (Chris Isaac) enters]

RACHEL: Oh, Phoebe, that really cute guy is here again.

PHOEBE: Oh, oh, OK, so everyone, pretend like I'm telling you a story, OK. And, and it's really funny. So everyone just laugh, now. [Everyone laughs]

PHOEBE: I know, I know. [to Rob] Hello.

ROB: Hi. I'm Rob Dohnen.

PHOEBE: Hi Rob Dohnen.

ROB: I don't know anything about music, but I think you're really, really great.

PHOEBE: Oh, wow.

ROB: Anyway, I schedule[6] performers for the children’s libraries around the city and I was just thinking, have you ever thought about playing your songs for kids?

PHOEBE: Oh, I would love to have kids. . . you're, you're the, you're, me play the songs that I will write for them.

[Scene: Chandler and Joey's apartment. Chandler and Joey are standing around in the kitchen.]

JOEY: Hey, whaddya wanna do for dinner?

CHANDLER: Well we could just stay in and cook for ourselves. [both laugh hysterically]

[door buzzer goes off]

CHANDLER: Hello.

ERICA: It's Erica.

JOEY: Ah, the stalker.

ERICA: Never mind, it's open.

CHANDLER: [Joey grabs a frying pan] Yes, hitting her with a frying pan's a good idea. We might wanna have a backup[7] plan, though, just in case she isn't a cartoon.

JOEY: Let's get out of here.

[They run out and knock on Monica and Rachel's door]

CHANDLER: The one time they're not home.

JOEY: OK, we'll just leave, and when we pass her on the stairs, she won't know it's me 'cause we've never met.

CHANDLER: That's how radio stars escape stalkers.

JOEY: She's comin'. [Both run back in their apartment. There's a knock at the door.]

ERICA: It's me.

JOEY: Uhh, this is it, this is how we're gonna die. Ready?

CHANDLER: Wait, wait, wait. [Opens the top of the dish soap he's holding]

[Joey opens the door and sees Erica (Brooke Shields). Joey gets a huge smile and Chandler squeezed the dish soap in the air.]

ERICA: Hi.

JOEY: Erica.

[Scene: San Diego Zoo. Ross is at the Monkey cages.]

LIPSON: Hi, Dean Lipson, zoo administrator. (5)I was told you had a question.

ROSS: Well, I uh, I can't seem to find the monkey I donated last year. (6)He's a capuchan, answers[8] to the name Marcel.

LIPSON: Ahh, I'm afraid I have some bad news. Marcel has passed on.

ROSS: Oh my God, what happened?

LIPSON: Well he got sick, and then he got sicker, and then he got a little better but then he died.

ROSS: I can't believe this.

LIPSON: I'm sorry Mr. Geller. But ya know, there's an old saying, 'Sometimes monkeys die.' (7)It's not a great saying but it certainly is fitting today.

ROSS: Well, ya know, (8)someone should have called me.

LIPSON: I'm sorry. Look, (9)I know this can't bring him back but here, it's just a gesture[9].

ROSS: Zoo dollars?

LIPSON: Yes, and come see the bird show at 4. The macaws[10] wear hats. Well it's a lot cuter if your monkey hasn't just died.

[Scene: Library. Phoebe is getting ready to sing for the kids. Chandler, Monica, and Rachel are there.]

[Phoebe pulls out her guitar]

KIDS: Ooohhh.

PHOEBE: I know.

MONICA: I can't believe Joey's having lunch with his stalker. What i-, what is she like.

CHANDLER: Well, you remember Cathy Bates in Misery?

RACHEL AND MONICA: Yeah.

CHANDLER: Well, she looks the exact opposite of that.

RACHEL: And she's not crazy?

CHANDLER: Oh no no no, (10)she's a total wack job. Yeah, she thinks that Joey is actually Dr. Drake Remore.

RACHEL: Oh my God.

MONICA: Ah, and I mean, he's going out with her? He can not peruse[11] this.

CHANDLER: Hey, just because this woman thinks she can actually see Joey through the magical box in her living room doesn't mean she's not a person. I mean, does she not deserve happiness, does she not deserve love? What're you lookin' at me for? (11)He's the one who wants to boff[12] the maniac[13].

ROB: You OK?

PHOEBE: No, uh-uh, I'm just, I'm nervous. So, you know what, maybe if I just, if I picture them all in their underwear.

ROB: That's not a good idea, that's kinda the reason the last guy got fired.

PHOEBE: I'm just, I'm, I'm, I'm used to playing for grown-ups. Ya know, they just, grown-ups drink their coffee and do their grown-up thing, ya know, and kids listen. This is a huge responsibility. What? Are you gonna kiss me?

ROSS: I was thinkin' about it.

PHOEBE: OK. [they kiss] OK, alrighty, let's play some tunes[14]. Hi everybody, I'm Phoebe

ALL: Hi Phoebe.

PHOEBE: OK, um, I'm gonna play, um, some songs about grandparents, OK. [singing]
Now, grandma's a person who everyone likes,
she bought you a train and a bright, shiny bike.
But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner,
And last time you saw her she looked so much thinner.
Now, your mom and your dad said she moved to Peru,
but the truth is she died and some day you will too.
La-la-la la la-la-la la la-la-la la...

[Scene: A nice restraunt. Joey and Erica are dining.]

ERICA: Oh, Drake, isn't it amazing?

JOEY: Yeah it is. . . what?

ERICA: (12)Well, here we sit, devil may care, just a little while ago you were reattaching[15] someone's spinal[16] cord[17].

JOEY: Yeah, that was a tricky one. In reality, that operation takes like, over 10 hours, but they only showed it for 2 minites.

ERICA: Who's they?

JOEY: No one.

ERICA: Oh Drake, you are so talented, let me see those hands. Oh these hands, these beautiful hands, oh I could just eat them. . . but I won't.

JOEY: Good, otherwise my watch would fall off. [laughs hysterically]

ERICA: No, seriously. These hands. These miracle, magical, life-giving hands. Oh, just to be near them, touch them, maybe even lick one?

JOEY: Alright, just one. [she licks his hands rather emphatically] (13)Wow, you're good at that.